Tuesday, April 25, 2023

Thoughts on marriage and companionship

     One of my oldest and closest friends got married this month.  We have been friends since 3rd grade and played little league baseball together.  Even after grade school when I went to college and didn't see him as often, we kept in touch.  A big part of that was playing fantasy baseball and football together on Yahoo.  During the short period of time where I moved away when my company moved to Dallas, we did our best to keep in touch.  Discussing the latest on the Astros rebuild, wondering if the Texans would ever get a QB.  I would come back at least one weekend a month to see my parents and hopefully also see him and his family.

     I am overjoyed that he is married now and starting his own family.  And its also made me realize that I myself need to start trying harder to meet people.  Lately I haven't had the urge to stop by my regular bar after work.  I don't feel like drinking, it's not getting me anywhere in life.  I'm wasting my life away by drinking at bars and also wasting money that I should be saving.

    I feel like I am at a crossroads.  I guess this is a mid life crisis type of thing.  I'm tired of coming home to an empty house.  Feeling alone with no hope.  I really need to work on my self esteem because if I don't love myself, how can I expect anyone else to.  I have been praying more at night which has given me some peace, but I do feel like I still have a lot of anxiety.

    I am seeing my therapist in the beginning of May to discuss some of these things with her.  There is no quick and easy solution I understand, but I hope I can get my mind out of this cycle of dread I am currently in where I feel like the future is hopeless and that I will always be alone.

    Take time to hug and talk to your loved ones and let them know that you love and care about them.  None of us is promised anything in the future.  Thank you for reading this.

No comments:

Post a Comment