Self reflection

      Lately I have been in one of my quiet reflective moods.  It comes with my bi-polar disorder sometimes.  I withdraw from people and kind of shell up for a while.  I'm not really sad or depressed or anything like that.  It's just sometimes I feel the world is a bit too much for me to deal with sometimes, so I limit my exposure to certain things.

     These are usually productive times for me, so I have been trying to do some things that I have been putting off for a while.  From small things like cleaning my house and organizing, to larger things like working on spots of my life that I need to improve on to maximize my happiness and wellbeing.

     I've started reading again which has been productive.  I'm still reading Matthew Perry's autobiography which I admit is hard to get through at times.  He really is lucky to be alive, alcohol can be such a debilitating force.  I've toyed with the idea of going completely sober.  The older I get the more I realize just how dangerous alcohol can be.  And how easy it is to overindulge and misuse.  

     I've also been reading the Bible more lately too.  I'm trying to incorporate reading from it into my daily routine, whether it's actually opening my bible and reading or using the app on my phone.  I'm not always perfect and I forget sometimes but overall, it's been great for me.

First workout class!

      Just had my first workout class in a very long time and I had some thoughts that I wanted to write down about it.

     First off, I had forgotten how good that post workout feeling is!  Sure, I was exhausted after the class because I am out of shape, but my adrenaline was really kicking in and overall, I felt great.  Writing this today, I am sore which I expected.  I'm still very happy with myself though for committing to signing up for the class.  My normal routing after work is to eat dinner and then just sit on the couch watching YouTube, playing video games, or listening to music.  So this has been a huge change for me even if it's just been 1 day.

     I'm hoping that I am able to keep up with this class at least through the first month.  After the month I'll decide on whether I want to continue.  It's a M-F class so 5 days a week.  It will not be easy, but I am hopeful and excited for what is ahead of me.

God bless

New Year thoughts

     It's hard to believe that we are starting 2023 now.  2022 seems like it blew by.  Time is constant obviously, but I feel like the older you get, the faster time seems to travel.  I'm not sure why this is, maybe because as we age, we take on more responsibilities?  Anyways 2023 is here.

     I am going to renew my effort to look for another job.  I've pretty much accepted that my current position at my company will not change and I will not be given the raise that I am long overdue for.  By continuing to stay here, I am undervaluing myself.  My experience at this company surely must be worth something to other companies that are hiring out there.  I just need to continue to keep a positive attitude about it and not be discouraged by not getting call backs and interviews.

     I plan to be healthier this year overall.  Exercise more, improve my diet, drink less alcohol, surround myself with positive influences rather than negative ones.  It's not going to be easy but at 40 soon to be 41, it's a vital thing for me to do.  As the old saying goes, "You're not getting any younger".  I've been unhealthy for a while now in several aspects of my life.  Physically, spiritually, and mentally.  My immediate goal is to start on the physical aspect.  Improve my diet and exercise.  With that starting to improve (hopefully), I'm hoping that will spur my spiritual and mental health.  Gaining better confidence in myself and making better life choices.

     I realize this will not be easy and I plan to do a monthly "checkup" to see what my progress is like and what I have to further improve.  I've started this year strangely introspective and reflective on myself.  I admit that I am currently not very happy with my situation in life, and I want to improve that.